Behind-the-Scenes of 'Mother of All'

It was the tail-end of winter, and I wanted to experiment with my self-portrait projects. I needed a challenge that would force me outside of my comfort zone.

I wasn’t bored per se, I was just desperate to get deeper into my photography work. I was looking for ways to make myself uncomfortable in order to grow. I wanted to break a sweat trying to bring an idea to life.

I had just finished editing ‘Sitting With Me’, where I planned out two characters (versions of myself) and brought them together in one scene… something I had learned and was inspired by through Jamie Beck’s creative photography works.

It was that piece that gave me the idea for how I wanted to take my work a step further.

Over dinner one evening, I shared my idea with TK and asked him if he wanted to help ideate the photography story with me. Without hesitation, he said yes. An hour or two later, we had mapped out a 5-character composition with a backstory in Shakespearean-esque fashion.

We brought our inspirations together from Renaissance-era styles to modern-day photographers (Beck, Leibovitz, etc.), and a poetic look at the facets of Mother Nature.

Together, TK and I took our vision from paper to photograph… which took 6 weeks.

Day 3: The last day of our photoshoot | Me & TK

2 Weeks of Planning, 1 Test Week, 1 Photo Shoot Week, & 2 Weeks of Post

Shortly after laying out the game plan for ‘Mother of All’, I started rummaging through my closet and our house for the characters’ wardrobes and props. These would be key in unifying each character into one visual narrative.

This was one of the biggest challenges in the process pre-, during, and post-photo shoot. How could we take all of these characters and make them feel part of one another? What was the connecting piece? What does each one stand for? What was the right lighting and mood?

In the end, we took Mother Nature and pulled her apart. We looked at her from a life, death, and rebirth perspective; from the light and purity to the dark and malevolent; and her ecology within our world.

Thus, “The Mothers” were born.

Mother of Fertility - The Mother who brings life and peace into the world.

Mother of Nurture - The Mother who is a caregiver to the living and growing.

Mother of All - The Mother who is at the center of it all—the one that is in charge of our survival.

Mother of Protection - The Mother who pushes back against human-made evil & self-destruction.

Mother of Destruction - The Mother who inflicts pain, ruination, extinction, and harm upon all.

For a good week and a half, the dining room was in disarray. There was black tape all over the walls and floor, marking where each character would be positioned to help with the post-editing work. Their movements needed to align on the same plane.

The dining table and chairs were pushed against the opposite wall, somewhat inhibiting our daily routine, but allowing for more space for the composition. The camera tripod was rooted to its designated spot—even our little Shiba Inu knew to avoid the creative sanctity of the room. Although, occasionally napping where I needed to stand.

For three days straight, TK and I woke to a 5:45 AM alarm. I went through hair, makeup, and wardrobe with myself (meanwhile, TK got in his morning run). There was a short window of perfect lighting that would arrive around 7:45 AM and last until about 8:15 AM. In preparation, TK and I set up the composition, making sure I was hitting the right stance, emoting the essence of my character, and positioning my gaze to flow with the other Mothers, who I had to imagine.

Neither of us actors, but both working in marketing and advertising, we tried different techniques to draw out the psyche of “The Mothers”. I looked up old paintings, TK tossed out directions & made-up stories, and we had various playlists humming in the background. TK has a way with words that helped inspire the energy on camera.

From Wednesday to Friday morning, I could feel my nerves dwindle as I grew more confident with the story. TK’s creative direction collaboration balanced my photo direction. We did a couple of reshoots after some trial and error in the beginning—making sure we got it just right. Throughout the process, I felt alive and proud. ‘Mother of All’ became part of me, and part of TK.

It spoke to me on so many levels—from a personal creative challenge to a beautiful moment between me and TK where we got to partner with one another to tell this story we built together.

It was one of the best creative moments I’ve experienced in my life. We both took our passions of visual and written storytelling and allowed it to envelope us. It took metaphorical blood, and literal sweat and tears.

On the last day, I let a wave of happiness and tears wash over me.

Editing, The Hard Part

The final composition and individual portraits took me about two weeks to edit. Every morning and evening, I spent a few hours in Lightroom and Photoshop trying to pick the best pose from each character’s moment, get the coloring just right, and cut, mask, and edit perfectly.

In all honesty, I felt the urge to throw my computer more than once. I wasn’t just editing in one fell swoop; I was teaching myself Photoshop tricks I had only done once or twice before, or not at all. I threw myself into the deep end. I wasn’t sure I could tread long enough.

When I felt myself losing steam, I closed my laptop and walked away to clear the editing fog.

TK and I would look over the progress, talk about what was working and what wasn’t, then I’d go back to the drawing board.

Week 1 of editing was a lot of trial and error. I scrapped and started over at least five times.

By week 2, I finally found my groove.

I was sitting in a coffee shop in my neighborhood when I finished the final edit. I was listening to Max Richter’s recomposed version of Vivaldi’s ‘The Four Seasons’. My eyes welled up. I sunk into my chair.

It was done.

I went into this project wanting to challenge myself, and out of it came: a creative push in me, a test of my acting abilities, the balance between subject and artist, the mental obstacles of imagining a composition and the act of making it real, the will to not throw my computer when stumbling through the masking process, a reconnection with the morning sun, a beautiful collaboration with my love, TK, and a rebirth of my passion for photography.

In many ways, I was reminded of who I am and what I genuinely care about in my life.

I think that’s really when ‘Mother of All’ was born.

S.

Me & TK | March 2023